Mom Mantras

I know I post a lot about parenting. Tips and tricks, philosophies, enouragements. I am always worried when I post something like that, someone is thinking, "Why does she think she's such an expert?" Well, the answer is, I don't. At all. I just think about parenting ALL THE TIME. I am the type of person who, when faced with a problem, reads about it and makes plans to solve it. I try numerous ideas. My little ones are pretty much guinea pigs for different theories that I've read about. After struggles getting Wesley to stay in bed, I immediately bought the book No Cry Sleep Sleep Solution for Toddlers. I subscribe to no fewer than four parenting blogs. When Drea's nap schedule seemed to be chaotic, I dusted off my copy of Secrets of the Baby Whisperer. I am a parenting book junkie.

But, nothing has helped me in my journey as a parent (and finding peace with my parenting) as much as something I decided to do on my own. After a recent church service, where Pastor Neil encouraged us to have silent prayer time, I wrote down a few parenting mantras. But, instead of just thinking about them during a hard time with my kids, I typed them out, printed them and hung them all over our house.

Since that Sunday, my husband and I have both found ourselves being more patient and more compassionate toward our kids. And, in the end, solve the problems at hand much easier and without any yelling.

In case you want to do something similar, here are our mantras. Feel free to change and add as you need.

Choose love

This is not an emergency

Stop. Breathe. Love.

Lord, soften my heart.

Wesley and Drea have been entrusted to us. We must nurture and protect them.

Children do not act out just to anger you. It’s not about you, it’s about them. What do they need?

Solve the problem, don’t punish the child.

Figure out what need is not being met, and meet it.

Relationship first

You are the adult. You are the parent. Wesley and Drea act like children because they are children.

Did you mess up? Stop. Apologize and ask for a do over. It’s never too late to start over and redeem the situation.

One day, you'll walk into his empty room and give just about anything to have THIS day back, THIS day with all its exhaustion and chaos, and laughter.

Thanksgiving Traditions

Do you have any Thanksgiving traditions? For our family, we went to the desert almost every Thanksgiving to ride dirt bikes and eat turkey at a picnic table. I remember the few times we had a actual sit down semi formal Thanksgiving dinner and feeling like it was just not quite right. After going away to school and being away from family, I realized that it is not where you are, but who you are with on Thanksgiving. We as moms set the tone for the day. There are years where we are with extended family, and years where we are home with our immediate family. The one thing that remains constant is going around the table and sharing what we have been blessed with or by over the past year. A few years ago I found a project that my brother had in Kindergarten (87?) and was so thankful just to look back and see how we have been blessed. That year I took the paper with me to Colorado and read it at the dinner table. It was neat to read it to my mom, dad, and grandparents and remember together how God has blessed us twenty years later.




I hope that you and your family have a wonderful Thanksgiving wherever you are. We will be sharing our thanksgiving blessings in Colorado once again with parents, siblings, and cousins. It should be a time for many thanks.

Look into my Eyes

If you are a parent, you've certainly expereinced a time where you said something to your child, and you were completely ignored. It can be infuriating to repeatedly tell a child to stop hitting her fork on the table, that it's time for bath, or to please put on his shoes. Even when you are doing all of the things the experts say to do in order to increase cooperation - giving choices, making it into a game - they may still ignore you.

There can be a few reasons for this. First, they may be fully engaged in what they are doing and they actually cannot hear you. Second, they hear us talk at them all day long, so they have a tendency to tune us out. And, third, they may not want to do what you are asking, so they choose not to hear. I think we usually assume that the third reason is always the case, but it's actually not. This is where some parents can overreact and create a battle that wasn't brewing in the first place.

So, what can we do? It seems that all three of these reasons can be overcome, or at least on the way to being overcome, by properly getting the child's attention. Next time your first (or tenth) request has been ignored, try this:

1. Get down on his or her level, and in their personal space. Kids are less likely to hear us if we talk to them from across the room. Walk over to them, squat down and touch their arm.



2. Say, "____, please look at my eyes." Repeat this until they acknowledge you.



3. They may turn away or try to get away. This could mean that they really don't want to stop what they are doing, or they don't want to do what you have requested. Hold them gently or gently hold their face in your hands. Move YOUR head so that they see your eyes. Don't try to move their head. This isn't a time to overpower your child. It's a time to get their attention in a positive way.



4. Once you've made eye contact, repeat your original request. Here's where the expert advice of giving choices comes in handy. My favorite way to formulate a request is this: Empathize (Wow, you are having so much fun playing with your cars. I bet you'd like to play all day long), set limit (It's time to get our shoes on so we can go to the store), give choices (Would you like to put them on in the house, or in the car?).



5. Ideally, they keep eye contact with you during your whole request. BUT, this is really hard for a child to do (it's hard for adults too). I at least want my son to look me in the eyes when I first start talking. This shows me that I've gotten his attention and I still usually get a response. If I don't, I'll ask him again to look at my eyes and I'll repeat the whole process.

This isn't a magic bullet (nothing is, right?), but it has certainly increased my son's ability to hear me. Unless there's something else going on, like he's mad at me from something else, he's tired or hungry, then this process almost always gets results.

One more point, regarding the choices. Please note that both choices should be acceptable to both you and your child. Don't say, "Would you like to come to the store with me, or should I leave without you?" hoping to threaten your child into coming. It's possible they will choose to stay home, and then you're in a position where you can't respect their choice and must force them to come.

Sneak Those Veggies In: Two Promising Squash Recipes

We recently got a big butternut squash in our farm box, and it has been sitting in our fridge while I try to figure out a use for it. You see, no one in my family is a huge squash fan, but I didn't want to waste this veggie or the opportunity to get its nutrition into our children.

So now that I'm finally not feeling AS sick from my pregnancy (11 weeks tomorrow, yay!), I decided to find a few promising recipes for my big yellow friend.

The first, Butternut Squash Muffins With a Frosty Top is a Jamie Oliver recipe. I've heard great things about this recipe, so I knew I would need to try it. You don't even need to cook the squash ahead of time for this one, so it's a definite keeper. I'll be making them to take to school tomorrow since it's Bennett's turn to bring snack. (note: I'll use coconut oil instead of olive oil for the added health benefits. Also, I'll omit the nuts since Bennett's school is nut free!)

The second recipe is more of a gamble, but I'll try it. My husband and kids LOVE the sugary sweet potatoes at Thanksgiving, and this Baked Butternut Squash Mash seemed reminiscent enough that they just might get eaten without coaxing or bribing. :0)

So I'll be making these two recipes this week. I'll let you know how they go over, and if you make them, please share your feedback as well!